Lingerie, Sore Knees, and Male Shoppers

At the top of the list of things that I most don't like to do, shopping has a hallowed spot. Granted, there are a couple of things that I would hate to do more, but my editors would have six strokes if I entered into dialogues about any of them here. Being respectful of their wishes, and also respectful of the fact that writing a column that no one would print is rather pointless, I'll move forward and get right to the point. I was forced into a shopping experience for a computer part today, and while doing that l learned a tad more about women, which is always a good thing.First off, about my computer - a few days ago I spilled something I shouldn't have on my keyboard, which necessitated the purchase of another one. After I got all of the cussing out of my system, I grimly realized that I was going to have to enter that one true hell for all men, a shopping mall.

Honest to God, I'm cringing just writing down those two words. Shopping malls are the bane of all genuine men, and for good reason:1. Concrete floors covered with just carpet on top of them are not designed for the male knee, especially the middle aged male knee which has already been weakened by football, baseball, and untold years of household chores like working on plumbing problems underneath the sink. If malls were designed for men, they would Astro Turf the floors, but they're not, so no need to waste any more time wishing for it.2. As if "1" wasn't bad enough, ninety-five percent of the stores in most malls cater to women, in fact, they sell uniquely female items - make-up, feminine hygiene related products, and last, but certainly not least, lingerie.

We'll talk more about lingerie in a minute.With all that having been said, I went to a shopping mall today looking for a replacement keyboard. As I walked and grimaced my way along the rows of stores, I quickly found a computer joint, went in, and bought my keyboard. I had only spent about twenty total minutes inside the mall, so I was feeling pretty darned proud of myself for being so efficient. And then, it happened....I still can't explain just exactly why, but I happened to walk up on one of those mall lingerie shops. Y'all know the name, I'm sure, and I just happened to walk right up on it.

And, for some reason that I can't quite explain, I was transfixed. So transfixed that I walked right on in and started looking around.Guys, let me tell you, they had stuff in there that would make just about any fantasy you've ever had about a woman come true. I was goin' around gawking like a two year old who'd just discovered chocolate, when this lady came up and asked me if I needed help? I figured that I can always use help, so we started talkin' - our conversation went something like this:"Mam, I'm sorry to be taking up your time, but this just beats all I've ever seen.""What can I help you with, sir?""I will never understand this, mam.""Understand what, sir?""Mam, my brain is just going crazy looking around at all this stuff. It's like a Six Flags Adventure Park for a red blooded male. Does this stuff sell well, mam?""Sir, we have a healthy business situation.""As well you should, mam.

I'll just never figure this out.""Figure out what, sir?""Well, with lingerie, it seems like the more you get to see of the woman the more it costs. Take these little lace and postage stamp sized bottoms right here, they cover nothing, yet they cost $125. Worse yet, if you buy them, the whole goal is to get them off the woman as soon as is humanly possible. The whole deal makes no sense at all.""Sir, we could talk forever about this, but there are other customers that I need to help. So let me leave you with this to ponder - if buying lingerie for your special lady ultimately gets you what you want, why do you care if it makes sense to you or not?"With that, she walked away.Know something? She's one hundred percent right.

Know something else? She wasn't half bad looking herself, and I'm fighting to not think about how she would've looked in that tiger striped ensemble with the gold sequins all over it.....

Ed?s latest book, ?Rough As A Cob,? can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He?s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.

Christian Sheet Music

You don't have to pay for Christian sheet music. It is available on the web for free. People can download Christian sheet music in gif format. Christian sheet music sites offer various types of sheet music, such as keyboard music, piano music and guitar music.

Let's check out the piano music first. Online Christian sheet music stores offer piano music.

You can download Christian sheet music from those sites. Thanks to those sites, you can enhance your Christian sheet music collection. Some sites offer rare Christian sheet music samples that you won't find anywhere else. Christian sheet music sites have an extensive database of some great Christian sheet music.

Another vital aspect of Christian sheet music is guitar music. People taking an interest in this type of Christian sheet music can download guitar music notations from the web.

Thanks to Christian sheet music sites, popular Christian Music titles such as Worship Together or Integrity Hosanna...

Christian Sheet Music
Keyboard > Christian Sheet Music

Program Launcher, Mega Search Engine, Auto-Text Inserter and Desktop Toolbar

(ContentDesk) July 27, 2005 -- Tethys Solutions, LLC has released Launch-n-Go 2.0, an easy-to-use multi-function program for Windows. Use hotkeys and keywords for instant access to nearly everything on your computer. Launch web sites, files, folders, or programs instantly, or search the Internet. Use the program's text inserter to type any text into any Windows program. Share your shortcuts, searches, and interests with friends and colleagues.To use Launch-n-Go as a program launcher, simply assign a hotkey or keyword to any document, folder, program, or web site.

Use the Launch-n-Go toolbar to access your choice instantly. With a single keystroke, you can access your most important spreadsheet, play your favorite song, or visit your web site of choice.Save time and eliminate errors with Launch-n-Go's text inserter. Type important text once, and paste it into any email, document, or web form. Speed your way through online forms, and type account numbers and passwords flawlessly.Launch-n-Go's...

Program Launcher, Mega Search Engine, Auto-Text Inserter and Desktop Toolbar
Keyboard > Program Launcher, Mega Search Engine, Auto-Text Inserter and Desktop Toolbar

Field-Ready Portable Computer with Expansion Slots and Four Drive Bays Now Available

Arcadia, CA (ContentDesk) July 12, 2006 -- Contemporary MicroSystems adds a lunch box style portable computer to its line of field service, testing, data acquisition computers.The MPC-9000 is a self-contained, portable computer designed for field service, data acquisition, testing, and other mobile applications. It features a lunch box style system enclosure that supports an industry standard ATX, Micro-ATX form factor motherboard, four storage device bays for hard drives and optical drives, a fold-down keyboard, a choice of 15.4" or 17" LCD monitor, and a 400 watt power supply. The MPC-9000 provides a totally integrated portable computer system ready to be deployed in industrial environments such as telecom field service and test applications. And with its substantial expansion capabilities through on-board PCI-Express and PCI slots, integrated input/output capabilities, and four drive bays for storage devices, the MPC-9000 offers flexible configurations using commercial-off-the-shelf...

Field-Ready Portable Computer with Expansion Slots and Four Drive Bays Now Available
Keyboard > Field-Ready Portable Computer with Expansion Slots and Four Drive Bays Now Available

7 Years At The Keyboard

Ok, for those of you still waiting, the Internet won't go away.
Hang up the hopes that it represents a passing fad sharing the fate of the Beanie or the Pet Rock.
With legitimate high-tech stocks finally in the market, regular people doing "real" business online, and consumer acceptance to the point of purchasing movie tickets and homeowners insurance over the Internet, the Web is here to stay. However, many people still get that glassy-eyed, far away dreamer look on their faces when they think of the riches awaiting them on just the other side of their own dot-com. Well, whether your business represents a laptop on a TV tray in the basement, or a mega-corporation with offices all over the world, my last 7 years in the Wild West online has revealed a few "truths" which should last from here until the end of computers.

** There is no get-rich-quick!
** I guess it's in man's nature to desire instant wealth.
Since the dawn of history, people threw...

7 Years At The Keyboard
Keyboard > 7 Years At The Keyboard

Working At Home With Bugger And Pesto: A Tale Of Two Kitties

My two cats have taught me many good home office habits. Most of these lessons have been learned the hard way, so maybe I can help you avoid the heartbreak of blank computer screens and other home office disasters by sharing a few tips I have learned along the way. 1. Save your work...again, and again, and again... There are many ways to lose all your computer work.

One of them is if your cat falls off the monitor onto your keyboard. (One for Bugger...) 2. Always treat your cat with the utmost respect (you are allowed to be excessive in this matter; the more subservient you are, and sometimes even downright grovelling, the better). If you toss your cat off your desk out of anger, her first reaction is to take all paperwork with her. (Two for Bugger...) 3.

If anything at all EVER goes wrong with your computer, first check the location of your cat. One day I suddenly could not keep a window open on my computer. No matter what I did, no window would stay open, one would flicker...

Working At Home With Bugger And Pesto: A Tale Of Two Kitties
Keyboard > Working At Home With Bugger And Pesto: A Tale Of Two Kitties